keeping with the Leslie Nielsen "feel" to some of my concepts, this story
combines Treasure Island with the Naked Gun and a trace of Priscilla, Queen
of the Desert.
It's set in
Jolly Olde Englande, when Jolly Rogering was all the rage and pirates sailed
the ... three, four, five, six, ... Seven Seas in search of booty and looty
... I mean loot. And women's clothes.
As we all know,
pirates love being on the Hi C, but the sugar tends to rot their teeth...
In this retelling
of Treasure Island, we learn that "Long Johns" Silver has a penchant for
dressing up in ladies' clothes and young Jim's real name is actually Rumblestiltskin
James Ladd, but he hates being nicknamed Crumpledforeskin at school, so
he prefers to be called R. Jim Ladd - so now you know...
On the good
ship Marie Celeste we see that among the shivering timbers, vast "thars",
ahoy me hearties, spliced mainbraces, b'ain't 'e be frits and vigorous
polishing of cutlasses, there lies a tale of tall ships and short women
(who usually turn out to be stocky men in skirts - and we don't mean the
Queen's Own Highlanders), of skulls being duggered, and small buoys being
tossed overboard at the slightest provocation. (Pronounce "buoys"
the English way and you'll get the joke...)
why swinging the lead can get you keelhauled and how a tot of the rum can
give you rot of the tum, which usually means that when you're not letting
go for'ard you're letting go aft - and with a vengeance.
As "Long Johns"
Silver succinctly puts it: "Tell me, which leg goes with this dress?"